The Unglamorous Life of a Supposed Celeb

It never fails to amaze (and, at times, amuse) me when I find out the impression that people have of the life I lead. I guess it's easy to build up a false impression with everything we're confronted with on TV and in magazines. Looking at the life someone like
Madonna for example, leads, I find myself feeling sorry for her a lot of the time because she has it so much worse than I ever will. On a much smaller scale, I can relate to their need for privacy, their need to be seen as real people, their need to be able to live their lives free of being judged at every turn, free to do what they love. It is enlightening to see life from the other side. To borrow a very famous quote, "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it". Up until that point, it is very easy to create your own perception, and be entirely wrong. And everybody is guilty of this at one time or another.

I know very few people who are content with what they have. People always want more. They're always keeping a lookout for better prospects and they always think somebody else has it better than them. After the same token, people often think they can do it better. We are very quick to judge the decision somebody else makes, even about something as trivial as the shoes they are wearing and how they "so don't go with that dress!" (said in pseudo-american accent;) But maybe, just maybe the heel broke off of the shoe she was wearing and she had to borrow from someone at the last minute and that was all they had! Ok, it sounds far-fetched but believe it or not, it's happened to me before, thank goodness, before I became well known! An important point I want to just bring up here is that there is no going back. Once you've climbed inside someone's skin you won't be able to get back out. Even if you you do physically; emotionally and psychologically, it will change you forever. Unless, of course, you're totally devoid of any kind of emotion or possess a "terminator's soul" to quote some of my own song lyrics!

I know, in a way, I am lucky. I've experienced life from both sides of the fence and it's hard now to imagine which one I'd prefer because I'm a different person now, compared to the one I was then. I'm also doing what I love which, in a way, makes up for a lot of the bad points to this
life I am currently inhabiting. I have experienced the hunger and the yearning a singer/songwriter experiences, to have their songs heard. I can't explain it any more than that. It's what has driven me my whole life and it is what drives me still. Anyone who has known me for longer than 6 years, knows how shy I was before my life changed. I was, and still am, a private person. I am definitely still an introvert. I asked myself a million times, why did I put myself through the abject terror of being in front of millions of people and opening myself up to criticism, the likes of which nobody should have to experience? It wasn't to become famous. It was a means to an end for me. I knew if people knew who I was, they'd give my music a chance. At least, that was my hope. It was, therefore, a sacrifice I was willing to make. What I didn't bet on was my own life becoming public property as well.

While I say it over and over, that this is the life I chose and I have to live with it now, I don't think that's entirely true. I don't think I chose this life. I think it chose me. Because it's the only way I can think of to explain why I saw it through, and why I'm still living it! Why would somebody like me put herself through that kind of abuse? And why would I continue to open myself up to it? It's not so bad now of course. I'm not in the spotlight. The new idols will be soon and I wonder if they are even remotely prepared for what they will have to face? But I digress...I crossed over from being an unknown musician, desperately wanting a voice, to a face most of the country recognised, within a few weeks. It took a lot longer to come to terms with it though. Several years actually. But my eyes were opened, almost immediately, as to what life is like on the other side of the fence. I'm not sure if you want me to burst your bubble and tell you...I'm not sure I could because, no matter what I say, it's only words and a part of you will always say, "Yeah right, but I'll handle it differently"... Of course you will! But that doesn't mean you'll handle it better. It'll affect you just as much because we're all human.

Let me give you an example of a weekend in my life: Friday: My manager said there was an afrikaans music festival being put on by Huisgenoot, down in Margate on the beach. He asked them if I could have a spot on the stage but, at this late hour, there was no budget so it would be a free
show... (Let's back up a bit here... being a passionate musician, determined to make it in the industry, involves sacrifices. Money being a big one! Sometimes one has to weigh up the pros and cons. If there's no money, I might get exposure out of it and if there's still none of that, it might be an opportunity to sell cds) So, we decided it might be worth doing it to get a foot in the door with huisgenoot and sell my new afrikaans single. We drove down to Margate. It was a madhouse as you can well imagine! Holidaymakers everywhere. No parking of course. So, in my dress and high heels I toddled and teetered about a kilometre along the beach to get to the stage. It was boiling hot in the sun, which was where the stage was. The audience consisted of very afrikaans people, mostly from the free state. They all looked at me like I was an alien. This happens sometimes at predominantly afrikaans gigs. Hopefully not because of the way I look!! It's just, I am obviously english and they were very obviously not! They just didn't get me or why I was there, even when I sang my afrikaans song.

Having a bad audience is par for the course. I can't please everybody. I've been around long enough to know that. I cut the show short and limped back to the car sweating profusely, having sold very few cds and all I got as a reward was a blister on my big toe! I drove home and got myself ready because, the following day I had to be up at 4:00am... Saturday: I had a show in Pretoria at 3pm so we left at 6am. This happens fairly often. I have to be up about 2 hours before takeoff to do my hair and makeup as I have to sing as soon as we land. In this case we had to drive because we needed our own sound equipment. My manager began developing a migraine so I drove us. (I actually almost always drive because, as a woman, I can multi-task and so I can talk and drive and still keep the car at 120kph, while listening to my ipod as well as eating my lunch/snack/whatever and I have never fallen asleep at the wheel unlike my manager!) He passed out next to me and we got to jhb around 11am. I had a photo shoot in Bedfordview for the sunflower fund, a quick cup of rooibos, and then back on the road to find pretoria north which was another hour and a half's drive.

Let me give you an example of a weekend in my life: Friday: My manager said there was an afrikaans music festival being put on by Huisgenoot, down in Margate on the beach. He asked them if I could have a spot on the stage but, at this late hour, there was no budget so it would be a free
show... (Let's back up a bit here... being a passionate musician, determined to make it in the industry, involves sacrifices. Money being a big one! Sometimes one has to weigh up the pros and cons. If there's no money, I might get exposure out of it and if there's still none of that, it might be an opportunity to sell cds) So, we decided it might be worth doing it to get a foot in the door with huisgenoot and sell my new afrikaans single. We drove down to Margate. It was a madhouse as you can well imagine! Holidaymakers everywhere. No parking of course. So, in my dress and high heels I toddled and teetered about a kilometre along the beach to get to the stage. It was boiling hot in the sun, which was where the stage was. The audience consisted of very afrikaans people, mostly from the free state. They all looked at me like I was an alien. This happens sometimes at predominantly afrikaans gigs. Hopefully not because of the way I look!! It's just, I am obviously english and they were very obviously not! They just didn't get me or why I was there, even when I sang my afrikaans song.

Having a bad audience is par for the course. I can't please everybody. I've been around long enough to know that. I cut the show short and limped back to the car sweating profusely, having sold very few cds and all I got as a reward was a blister on my big toe! I drove home and got myself ready because, the following day I had to be up at 4:00am... Saturday: I had a show in Pretoria at 3pm so we left at 6am. This happens fairly often. I have to be up about 2 hours before takeoff to do my hair and makeup as I have to sing as soon as we land. In this case we had to drive because we needed our own sound equipment. My manager began developing a migraine so I drove us. (I actually almost always drive because, as a woman, I can multi-task and so I can talk and drive and still keep the car at 120kph, while listening to my ipod as well as eating my lunch/snack/whatever and I have never fallen asleep at the wheel unlike my manager!) He passed out next to me and we got to jhb around 11am. I had a photo shoot in Bedfordview for the sunflower fund, a quick cup of rooibos, and then back on the road to find pretoria north which was another hour and a half's drive.

This is the reality. It is not a "glamorous life", it's just "a life". It doesn't make me immune to mistakes, to being human, because I am just human. It doesn't mean everybody automatically loves me, because they certainly don't! It doesn't mean I don't have to work hard, because I do.
It doesn't make the people around me any more different for knowing me, because they are also still the same people they were before they knew me. Just like I'm the same person...Only, I'm more aware of what it feels like to be here now, now that I've climbed inside this skin. It's changed me so that, even if I try to walk away from it, I'll never forget it. Knowledge makes it impossible. But that can't be a bad thing because I am here to learn and to grow and I am certainly doing that. So, as unglamorous as it may all be, I am very lucky to be here because I am still singing my songs and still doing what I love, and that is the biggest thing for me and that makes it worth every sacrifice. I'm living out my dream. And it's only when we give our dreams room to breathe, that we can truly begin to live.